it's not like you killed someone.

when i argue a point of religion with my mother, we usually get nowhere because she's the kind of person who doesn't argue to the specifics of the issue at hand. instead of this:

our arguments always, without question, end up like this:

and i can't help but wonder to myself whether it's just the inner troll in me which keeps the argument going, for the sake of arguing. often, the subject of religion is not the point of the original argument, but a slice of the problematic cake that is my existence in her life. an odd metaphor, no? allow me to break it down for you:

our knowledge about this problem is that it's going to be one or more slices of this here cake of my apparent abundance of personality flaws:

however, my mother has this frustrating tendency to serve me up the entire cake when it comes to my attempts to reason with her and calmly explain why she is in fact entirely wrong. illustrated example.


and so all of my other apparent flaws somehow make me wrong for choosing to seek a more self-directed existence. "you're atheist and you're fat! look how fat you are! no wonder you have no friends!" and so we move away from point a, enter point b, and make our way around the whole alphabet until we both come to the conclusion that this argument will have no resolution because one side cannot listen and the other's opinion simply doesn't matter enough to be listened to.

wow, did i seriously just spend an hour talking about argument cakes?

so once i've had enough of the arguing, i'm left to contemplate silently my utter confusion surrounding how on earth this woman, let alone anyone out there with access to the global information database, could live a life without questioning the existence of and eventually moving forward from this profoundly stupid, dull lifestyle scam. ricky gervais said it best: 'do unto others' is a great rule of thumb. you won't burn in hell for all eternity, but be nice anyway. so that about sums up my thoughts at 5am monday morning. my father is on the phone to his work colleagues. it's a great time for those working in emergency management. so if you don't hear from me again before cyclone yasi annihilates us all: viva la disbelievers! yvette out!

schizophrenic, photogenic, psychogenic, hallucinogenic

it's 4:51am on the third of january, 2011. in layman's terms, it's bloody early monday morning. i finished work at 4:30pm yesterday and went searching through coles annandale for my mother who i assumed to be doing her shopping in there, who i found to be catching up with an old friend. so we were in coles for a while talking in the christmas section, bought some groceries and headed home. by 5:30pm, yvette was tucked up in bed asleep, exhausted from staying up the previous night. as expected, i woke up at some ungodly hour of the morning when my mind deemed itself rested. however, i apparently was waking up to random explosions. i swear i heard the distinct sound of an elite roaring upon being stuck with a plasma grenade and meeting an untimely demise, but i figured it was probably almost dawn outside so i could be hearing things in my hardly trustworthy subconcious state and shrugged it off. sure enough i heard it again, so i looked up from my all too comfortable pillow to see my twelve-year-old sibling was sitting in my chair playing halo reach on xbox live, at 3am. our conversation went something like this.












today's starting out great already. :P

an instructional guide to maintaining your birdcage! EVOLVE TODAY!

there is nothing i hate more than cleaning bird cages. it brings out the true rage i know lies deep within my psyche in every possible manifestation of how my day pans out. say, blog, ever owned parrots, finches or budgerigars? they're lovely. truly. cleaning up after them, however, is not.

the moment you realise it's time for you to clean out the bird cages (which generally happens once a week with someone like my mother in the house), your descent into seemingly perpetual anger begins. EVERYTHING becomes difficult, frustrating and seemingly pointless. your cat will definitely want to play with you right now, there won't be any more garbage bags, you're out of coffee.. you name it. it's all out to bite you, and it will where it can.















you will need:
- sunlight
- unsoiled newspaper
- paper towels
- replacement bird food
- a hose
- a scrubbing brush and/or tough-backed kitchen mit
- patience
- adequate space

first you need to take everything out of the cages (excluding perches, those can be done at the end) like food and water dishes, toys, etc. wheel the cages out onto the grass, so that any organic stuff like poo and old food shells/fruit scraps that may unintentionally fall out the bottom of the cage don't end up sandwiched between the bricks, growing new plants. i'm serious, you wouldn't believe how fast those seeds begin shooting. we didn't realise that under the finch cage there was a mini ecosystem going on.

so after that's done, you want to go get your hose and give your birds a very light misting so they don't overheat while you've got them out in the sun. it helps their feathers too, and encourages preening. okay sweet, now take out the bottom tray where you lay your newspaper to catch bird-cage debris like crap, feathers and dropped food and roll the old newspapers up and chuck them in the garbage. take the garbage well away from your birds, and douse it with flyspray so any lingering fruit flies will die instead of just come back when there's more food. then chuck out the bag and re-line the bins. don't ever take that shit back inside with you.

now take the trays to where you're hosing down and grab that mit or scrubbing brush, and remove anything that may be stuck to the cage like food or poop. don't worry about changing your newspapers just yet - you need to clean the grills as well and you don't want your birds escaping, so go chuck those trays in for now and take out the grill that sits directly above the tray. go grab your scrubber and scrub all that poo off the grills.

if you're trying to do this while dealing with a psycho raging parent in tow, whose only main function at times like these is to clean every conceivable thing, a quick tip: you want to try and channel that rage into getting your jobs done more quickly. for example, get angry at something "not working", and it'll likely result in said parent adopting whatever job you're doing and the 'rage' personality trait will result in your job being done at 2x the speed you were doing it. fast, efficient, and minimal effort on your part. side effects of this method however may include the heightened rage in your parental figure being now focused upon yourself as it has nowhere else to travel (and it must leave the body), so try and utilise this method where and when you can to avoid this. if unnecessary rage persists, you probably shouldn't be living with the crazy fool and should consider moving out with your birds because putting up with it for 18 years is more than enough.

so where were we.. ah yes. clean tray and grills? sweet. go get some paper towel and dry the trays and grills and chuck the grills back into your cage, take the trays out and re-line them with fresh, unsoiled newspaper. if your perches need a scrub, do that too. okay sweet you're almost done, now you gotta wheel your birds back into the shade and put everything back inside the cage like your birds' toys and stuff. go replace all the water, seed, fruit, millet, etc.. whatever you're feeding your birds. hose down the area where the cage may have let any debris escape onto the ground, and you've got yourself some clean birdcages and probably happier birdies.

monday blues.

today started out just like any other monday. alarm went off at 7am, breaking myself out of a dream and into the reality of just how short a time it was that i last looked at that clock before falling unconscious. look in the mirror, scruffy hair, messy room, space invaders doona about to hit the floor. joy.



i clambered out of bed and reached for one of the bottles of water sitting near my xbox to soothe my dry throat and contemplated cereal, when i got a visit from my cat. i had a carrot in my hand for some reason, i couldn't actually remember why. my cat sat at my door, half on the tiles and half on the carpet, making an odd purry sound before spontaneously flopping onto his back for scratchies.



given my ultimate weakness for adorable four-legged animals (and my bias towards the one i take care of), i put the carrot down and gave in. i then remembered the unfortunate fact that today was monday, which meant there remained three days until the first of three final examinations for uni i'd have no sleep throughout. i grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower.

i then proceeded to mindlessly go about my daily routine.











and it eventually got to midday, at which time i decided it would be a fabulous idea to watch beauty and the beast. i walked outside and saw my parrots looking somewhat cross, then freaked as i remembered what the carrot was for.

so with my newly fed birds, fish, cat and self, it got to the stage where i decided i should actually start doing something constructive with my day. so i cleaned my room. all of it. rearranged the bed, took down everything off the walls for cleaning, vaccuumed and eventually was left with a sparkling clean room with stubborn "decorative" cat hair. what now? i'd already exhausted my will to check facebook every four minutes, so i went for a swim. or at least, i intended to go for a swim.







dear jesus there is nothing i hate more in the world than wasps except various kinds of people. i bolted almost instantly right back into the house and holed myself up, peering through the glass like and old lady spying on her neighbors. i'm convinced i can do absolutely nothing outside without being confronted by a giant hornet. they're horrible, just thinking about being near them makes me want to cry.

having decided enough was enough, i sat down in front of the computer and browsed ebay until i eventually fell asleep at the table due to the lack of sleep from the night before. i was awoken by my brother who had informed me that dinner was ready outside. an hour of man vs wild and it was 9pm.

*checks the clock* perhaps it's time for sleep! my bed looks particularly cozy tonight. love<3