it's not like you killed someone.

when i argue a point of religion with my mother, we usually get nowhere because she's the kind of person who doesn't argue to the specifics of the issue at hand. instead of this:

our arguments always, without question, end up like this:

and i can't help but wonder to myself whether it's just the inner troll in me which keeps the argument going, for the sake of arguing. often, the subject of religion is not the point of the original argument, but a slice of the problematic cake that is my existence in her life. an odd metaphor, no? allow me to break it down for you:

our knowledge about this problem is that it's going to be one or more slices of this here cake of my apparent abundance of personality flaws:

however, my mother has this frustrating tendency to serve me up the entire cake when it comes to my attempts to reason with her and calmly explain why she is in fact entirely wrong. illustrated example.


and so all of my other apparent flaws somehow make me wrong for choosing to seek a more self-directed existence. "you're atheist and you're fat! look how fat you are! no wonder you have no friends!" and so we move away from point a, enter point b, and make our way around the whole alphabet until we both come to the conclusion that this argument will have no resolution because one side cannot listen and the other's opinion simply doesn't matter enough to be listened to.

wow, did i seriously just spend an hour talking about argument cakes?

so once i've had enough of the arguing, i'm left to contemplate silently my utter confusion surrounding how on earth this woman, let alone anyone out there with access to the global information database, could live a life without questioning the existence of and eventually moving forward from this profoundly stupid, dull lifestyle scam. ricky gervais said it best: 'do unto others' is a great rule of thumb. you won't burn in hell for all eternity, but be nice anyway. so that about sums up my thoughts at 5am monday morning. my father is on the phone to his work colleagues. it's a great time for those working in emergency management. so if you don't hear from me again before cyclone yasi annihilates us all: viva la disbelievers! yvette out!

i just gotta say.

oh internet, don't look at me like that. the difference between us is that you have approximately five days before you start to lag and lose interest in what it is you're doing. i have about 4 hours of awake time per day that i'm at my best, and it just so happens i'm in that space right now. my sleeping patterns are still fucked up since the last time we spoke; i've been going to bed at like 6am every night and sleeping through the whole day, staying up the next night until my shift at work starts and coming home to bomb out and wake up at some obscene hour of the early morning. such is the life of the university student on holidays.

that's a generalization, i'm sorry. it's probably not that standard, i'm just a lazy shit. anyway. i haven't really been getting up to much of late besides sleeping, playing halo reach and continuing to save for my piano. i currently have $800 of $2000. feels good to almost be halfway there. i feel kind of bad now because i said i'd be awake and head over to dylan's place this afternoon. i needed to nap because he was doing something or other and i didn't know when he'd be free, so i told my brother to wake me up at 8pm. my brother didn't wake me at 8pm. i woke up when i had my bag of groceries thrown onto my inanimate sleeping corpse (promptly disturbing that state of being) and heard the remains of my mother's bitching about the food i buy when she has perfectly good food in the fridge. at 12:46am. i just figured i'd be nice and allow her to have more of her tasteless stew for herself and the family. i'm a big kid now. she reminds me enough of that fact enough.

so in other news, i'm still hunting for a second job. my chances of gaining extra employment were looking much brighter upon the recommendation of a dear friend of mine about a possible job vacancy i could fill, but i don't have my hopes suspended very high. my mother was telling me about a girl i'm not going to name who got a job recently at a place i applied for. this particular girl has every fucking developmental disorder possible, but she can communicate somewhat. it's not fair. i could work that job four times as efficiently, and yet they're handing out job positions for people who quite frankly aren't fit to work them to their best potential, to the obvious detriment of the company. it's stupid, and i'm bitter about it. so i should be. maybe i should put that on my resume. "vegetable, but i'm pretty nice, guys." cue letter of interview.



anyway, i'm not stressing too much about it right now. i'm on holidays, and stress is something i'm postponing until such a time as it's inevitable consuming force weighs down on me and sends me into a stupor like last year. i'm actually hoping that won't happen, but who knows. i'm abandoning the concept of 'new years resolutions', and opting instead to achieve daily goals. they're easier to work towards and if i fulfill them in time, that means every day i have something to feel good about. oh blog. where have my friends gone? one of them disappeared interstate, and i totally didn't know. i saw the leaving party photos on facebook and it served as the reminder that they don't need me now. perhaps they never did. i promised i wouldn't start talking about this again because it's negative and goes nowhere, plus i get the fucking crap stalked right out of me these days, but i do have to mention as a necessary undertone to this paragraph that i'm disappointed. and now that i've made my point, i'll start a new paragraph:

and remind myself that sure, they may have given up on me, that doesn't make me any less fucking brilliant right? so my dear friends, i would like to extend the arm of friendship to you both as a one-fingered salute to highschool drama and a kind gesture to the future, because i want to feel good about myself this year. besides;



:)

without you it's a waste of time.

hey again, blog. it's been a little while since the last time we properly spoke. i'm back from a much needed respite. how have you been feeling? well gee, that's great, because i haven't been feeling so top notch. my sleeping patterns are totally ruined, work's cut my hours and the apple pie i made last night has a salty ass crust which is NOT ACCEPTABLE >:



so i basically pissed off for a while so i could deal with my pent up emotional rage somewhere that wasn't totally public and reminiscent of a more attention-seeking me, as i know how that tends to give some people the shits. but i'm back now, with the attitude that fuck them, it's my blog and i'll talk about what i like and you can deal with it. i go out of my way to draw you pictures, so you shut your whore mouth and just enjoy them okay? sweet.

now what have i been up to these last few days? anything of importance? to tell the truth not really, but that's okay because i can make up for my lack of exciting existence through storytelling. once upon a time, there was a cheapass establishment.. we'll call it psycho pete's discount furniture. said cheapass establishment decided to go out of its way and cut its staff budget right back, and some poor cheap labor kid who happened to work there had her hours sliced down to a feeble seven a week. now, poor cheap labor girl had just started to save for a goal of a certain amount of money. whatever could she do, now that her one source of income had been drastically watered down to basically nothing at all?



well not quite. she went and made ten thousand resumes and got a list of places she'd like to potentially work for, and decided that one of these days she's gonna go out there and get a better job. sigh, well. i've got nothing to report besides you've missed nothing. nothing's happened, i've felt nothing in the last few weeks but boredom and sheer hatred of man. i think it's definitely time i got a new job. and a life. but for now, i'm going to shower and prepare for a fun day of cleaning bird cages. my finches are nesting, did i tell you? my little green ones. it's cute, they're building a nest together. an adorable yet short-term, obligatory relationship but a relationship nonetheless. and i get to watch every minute of it, like a fifty-year-old singleton with ten cats and no children. such an exciting life i lead, no?



i'm off. sleep well blogspot; at least one of us can.

i think i'm gonna go away for a while.

the future really isn't that far away.

sometimes i think about my future life as an educator of the young and wistful, and contemplate moving to foreign places where a phenomenon known as 'cold weather' can be readily experienced more than one month a year. i then begin to wonder if my class would pick up on the g'day mate accent riddled with my linguistic laziness, and ask about my native grounds. how would i explain such a place to them? these innocent younglings who have never seen such a hot day in their lives as the common 35 degreers we're used to here in townsville.. would they ask - a town? or a ville? or possibly a village turned town through population growth? then i realised the powerful potential i really had under my presumably pink beanie and it got me excited.



and then i realised such youth would not have had the privilege of growing up with aforementioned powerpuff girls. not likely, anyway. and my happy dreams floated out of my head as quickly as they'd entered. sigh.

PLASMA NADES, ERRYWHURR.

so, i was gearing up to play some halo:reach on my xbox 360, wishing i could go back to simpler times and play halo: combat evolved, or even halo 2.. when it hit me like a full magazine of pre-millenium needles.













if you're still not following by this point, basically i figured out i could still play my original xbox games on my xbox 360 console. it was a freakin' revelation! so of course i did what any yvette-minded simpleton would do and bolted out to the loungeroom to retrieve my copy of halo: combat evolved and played through the whole damn campaign. oh god. the messy warthog driving.. the marines and their little ID chips.. the creepy as all hell original soundtrack.. it was pure nostalgic bliss. i also noted two things that were funny to me, that i hadn't noticed before in the first couple of levels. in the pillar of autumn, while keyes is giving his speech about how he's going to try and land the autumn on the 'object' they found.. the screen he's referencing clearly says "HALO". they don't even know it's called halo at that point! trippy right? also. you know in the level 'halo' (lvl 2) how you have to activate the light bridge before you can continue through the cave structure? i never knew you could activate the bridge and just jump off the side, back down to the warthog. all this time i've been running right back around the way i came, meeting the 2 boss elites in the tunnel and everything. goddamn.

also, playing on 'normal' is like babysitting grunts. combat wise, halo CE is so much easier to work strategies around getting through the harder difficulties compared to reach. i feel like someone's given me a lollypop and asked me to take a wrapper off for 100G, to put it in perspective. which i probably didn't, because you're not a complete loser like me, but anyway. just thought i'd share my findings with you. i have work tomorrow. it's gonna suck. :(

schizophrenic, photogenic, psychogenic, hallucinogenic

it's 4:51am on the third of january, 2011. in layman's terms, it's bloody early monday morning. i finished work at 4:30pm yesterday and went searching through coles annandale for my mother who i assumed to be doing her shopping in there, who i found to be catching up with an old friend. so we were in coles for a while talking in the christmas section, bought some groceries and headed home. by 5:30pm, yvette was tucked up in bed asleep, exhausted from staying up the previous night. as expected, i woke up at some ungodly hour of the morning when my mind deemed itself rested. however, i apparently was waking up to random explosions. i swear i heard the distinct sound of an elite roaring upon being stuck with a plasma grenade and meeting an untimely demise, but i figured it was probably almost dawn outside so i could be hearing things in my hardly trustworthy subconcious state and shrugged it off. sure enough i heard it again, so i looked up from my all too comfortable pillow to see my twelve-year-old sibling was sitting in my chair playing halo reach on xbox live, at 3am. our conversation went something like this.












today's starting out great already. :P

through the dark streets they'd go searching to see god in their own way.

hey blog. it's ten past eight in the morning of the second of january, 2011. lol i just typed 2010, and had to backtrack. anyway, i've got a few hours until i have to be at work so i figured since i'm staying up all morning like an idiot i might as well come and share some random thoughts with you for the morning, seeing as nobody talks to me on facebook any more it seems.

it's funny how people shop at crazy clarks for a reason. it's funny how people don't shop at crazy clarks for a reason. but it's most funny how both reasons are one and the same: it's bloody cheap. i tend to take most notice of this around gift-giving times like birthdays and christmases. it's funny when you receive things you know the exact price of because they came from your store. i can't help but wonder whether people purposely bought from crazy clarks to tick me off, or just bought from there and forgot. and when it comes to giving gifts myself, the same thoughts run through my head, as if everyone knows what comes from crazy clarks and what doesn't. gosh.

hmmm. i'm sitting here listening to the ministry of sound annual 2011 compilation, and it's ticking me off a bit i have to say. i'd rather be listening to something a little classier, but i'm sick of all my music so i can't really win today. i really wish i didn't have to work today. if there's one thing i'm completely sick of, over, and unmotivated for, it's going to crazy clarks. don't get me wrong, it's not a bad place to work.. i just hate it. i want something different and new, that's easy to get into the routine of, with a uniform, and with flexible hours. obviously such a perfect job is unheard of and thus i am stuck at crazy clarks. the hatred is strong.

guess what? it's the second day into the new year and i haven't had mcdonalds yet. and i cleaned my room! i'm going so well. haha. i found a whole heap of coins i had stashed away, so today i'm taking them into work and changing them into more manageable change and buying some goddamn lunch. $3.75 macaroni and $3 energy drink. can't go wrong, really. considering how little sleep i've had, anyway. once i get this slog out of the way, i'll come home and sleep, and devise an exercise routine so i can stop being such a lard. i'm also thinking about how i'm going to utilize my time this year. i was thinking about deferring and earning money, but instead i think i'll take just two subjects in the new semester and work part time instead so i get decent hours and shift some of my degree at the same time.

say, i'm looking forward to tomorrow. i'm going to have dylan over and we're going to make our way through the firefight maps on halo 3 ODST for a crappy 80G, and hopefully knock over some heroic campaign missions if that gets boring too. fun times right? hopefully i'll have had more sleep before then. anyway, that about does me for my morning thoughts. i'm also going to try harder to track what money i'm earning week by week, and see if i can devise some kind of ordered schedule for saving for this flipping piano.

it's too early for me to bother drawing things.
love<3